7 Things Anyone Considering Moving To Austin Needs To Know

1. Austin is not “technically” Texas (we are the anomaly & we like it that way).

Are you looking for bible beating conservatives or cowboy junkies? Try Houston or Dallas. We like our steers and queers here. I blame Matthew Mcconaughey. And while you’re at it, go ahead and love tree huggers , clean as well as dirty musicians, and yogis of all types (practicing and non-practicing). Don’t feel moved by love? Go ahead and keep moving then, thanks.

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2. Saying it gets hot as hell here is like saying the North Pole is a “wee-bit chilly. “

If losing 28 pounds of water weight for 4.5 months out of the year is on your bucket list, you’ve found your new home.

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3. The city’s traffic pattern was designed via Ouija board.

Just come here during any of our Quadrillion festivals, you’ll get it. But, because we have the best margaritas this side of the Mississippi, you pretty much won’t care once you get to where you want to be (unless works is where you’re headed, and in that event, we have Texas-sized flasks reserved just for you.)

Our motto related to the transportation plan: Drink up and pray for Mass Transit: 2048 will be here before you know it.

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4. How do SO many people drink and jog?

Go out Friday night, then go to Town Lake Saturday. Be prepared to find the same people who just 6 short hours previous were the ones on the bar top at Rain declaring, “SSSSHHHHNNNNOOOOW, what? I’m the greatest singer in the world!” (insert Anna Gasteyer/Celine Dion SNL reference here).

Yes, if you’re looking for a place that values getting healthy as much as getting obliterated, Austin welcomes you with open (and equally sloppy) arms.

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5. If you are someone who has to ask him or herself, “What am I supposed to wear?” just go ahead and realize you’ll never really fit in here.

We wear what we want, when we want, how we want. Meeting Zuckcerburg for an investor meeting? Yeah, flip flops work for that. Michael Dell wants to call a board meeting? Jeans and a hoodie are just fine for that. Why? Because it’s Austin. Now shut up. (Beware, we also hold the title for “Deepest V-Neck Shirts.”)

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6. I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure sociologists (and/or aliens) come here to study gentrification.

I am sure of one thing though, we have pretty much invented a new form of cross-cultural segregation, with whispers of full integration of course (remember, all are welcome, as long as you keep to your own side of the river and/or interstate)

  • North = Tech Crunchers vs. Suburban Lunchers
  • South = Shower Once a Day Hipsters vs. Shower Once a Week Hippies
  • East = Intentionally Left Blank (changes daily; just roll the dice like any of the 150 people who moved here yesterday did)
  • West = Local Celebrities vs. Real Celebrities
  • Central = Welcome to the elusive Integrated Zone (Using a 4 mile radius from Whole Foods will yield representation from all zones)

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7. The only place where you can find food trucks, high rises, horses, and BMW’s within eyeshot.

And the only place you’ll find a $10,000 food-truck taste-off. Feed your face, spread the love, Truck by Truckwest is coming!

Early-bird wristbands here. For a limited time, enter promo code early bird for 50% off!

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